I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
