I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
