I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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