youre lurking in front of me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
