haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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