This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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