She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
