My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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