ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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