just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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