I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
