every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
