Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
