If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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