Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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