WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
