Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
