dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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