Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
