Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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