Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
