Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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