You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
