I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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