If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Edward fifth and chaser hands
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
