Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
