your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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