i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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