No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
