i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
