I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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