Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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