why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
