you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
