is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
