when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
