You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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