i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
