Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
