I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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