You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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