found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
