so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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