I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
