I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
