Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize