shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
