This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
