Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
