He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
