I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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