mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize