If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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