I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize