I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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