ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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