In the future we'll all be gay
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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