Redeem this text for a blowjob
Everything about him screamed your future.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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