Non-Jews are for practice
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
