You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
