Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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