Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
